09 December 2009
Your cycling horoscope
Astrology fans will be interested to know that the word 'gullible' doesn't appear in the Oxford English Dictionary. They'll also be interested in reading the Real Cycling horoscope, specially personalised for you.
Aries (20 Mar–20 Apr) Your life will take some unexpected twists and turns today when you take the Elephant and Castle cycle by-pass.
Taurus (21 Apr–20 May) There's always room in your life for someone new. Just as well, as motorbikes are now allowed to use ASLs.
Gemini (21 May–20 Jun) Having Jupiter in Leo and Mars in Capricorn is bad enough, but that parked van in your contraflow lane is really pissing you off.
Cancer (21 Jun–21 Jul) You tend to hide your light under a bushel. That's why you won't be able to find it when you bike home tonight.
Leo (22 Jul –22 Aug) Remember, there's no such thing as bad weather, just smug people with better rainproofs than you.
Virgo (22 Aug–Sep) Your sense of humour will come into play today when you are run over by a coachload of reconstructive surgeons.
Libra (20 Sep–21 Oct) Remember there's two sides to everything, except when taxis cut you up, which is more of a Möbius strip.
Scorpio (22 Octr–21 Nov) You'll come into some money today when a Securicor van reverses into you.
Sagittarius (21 Nov–21 Dec) Your wish is granted when the youth that stole your bike actually does get admitted to A&E with a bizarre and inoperable cucumber-related mishap.
Capricorn (21 Dec–20 Jan) There's something in the air today, as you'll find when you're stuck at the lights behind that bus exhaust.
Aquarius (21 Jan–19 Feb) It'll feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall today when a Royal Mail van runs you off the road and you bang your head against a brick wall.
Pisces (19 Feb–20 Mar) You don't like change, so luckily for you Cycle Superhighways won't make any difference.