When people tell you how they'd spend their lottery winnings, they're so generous, aren't they? They'd pay off their friends' mortgages, give most of it to charity, and just keep a modest, sensible amount for themselves. Then they sit back to bask in your admiration, and wait for you to buy the next round.
Well, if I won the lottery, I wouldn't pay off any of your mortgages, or support Battersea Dogs Home. But no yachts, Bentleys or swimming pools for me either.
I'd buy a shedload of bikes of all sorts, including at least one like this beer-vending machine: the apparent result of a collision between a bicycle and a dinghy-sized refrigerator. It's an esky with wheels, a mobile bar, a picnic on pedals. It plies a nice summer trade in the astroturf park outside the National Theatre. You charge the fridge up overnight and it keeps your party cool for about five hours, according to the amiable guy behind it.
Business in ice-cold lager wasn't brisk on Thursday night - this, you recall, was the evening deluge when 40mm fell in central London in six hours, compared to the monthly average of 51mm. Actually those figures sound worse in inches, whatever that would be.
The bike is made by www.businessonwheels.co.uk, and you can pick up a brand spanking new one for under two and a half grand, which I reckon, quite seriously, is a snip. Must rush out and buy a lottery ticket. And maybe I was lying about the swimming pool.