How to stop drivers on mobiles: call me now

Oh, you're a cyclist, are you? Tell me, why do you all jump red l...

Excuse me... hello? Yes? Oh no, I'm not interested, sorry.

Where was I? Oh yes, you all behave like the rules of the road simply don't app...

Just a minute, sorry about this, I'll turn it off... hello? Oh, hi. Yes, yes, tomorrow's fine. About 11? Great. See you then. Bye.

What was I saying? Ah, the other day, I was waiting in my car at the lights in one of those boxes with a picture of a bicycle in it, and this cyclist came right up in front of me and started shouting at me for some reason, and I thought, how dare y...

Wait a second, sorry again, I'll turn it off I promise... hello? Yes, darling. No, darling. No, of course not. Well, if you must. Oh well, I suppose so. Yes, yes, I love you too. Bye.

So, anyway... oh yes, a friend of mine was walking along the pavement the other day and she was nearly killed by a cyclist coming the other way, and he wasn't even wearing a helmet. I don't care if you are saving the earth, you cyclists are just dangerous.

I mean, I know I shouldn't really be using my mobile, but I'm driving perfectly safely, aren't I?

Eh?

What parked car? What cyclist?

(More motorists are using mobiles while driving than ever, we learned today)