04 February 2010

Your Cycling Horoscope - 2

Things are quiet today, so here's another Real Cycling horoscope, specially personalised for you (like the previous horoscope).

Aries (20 Mar–20 Apr) Many taxi drivers actually have a soft spot for cyclists, as you find out when one runs you into a pile of builder's sand on Southwark Bridge.

Taurus (21 Apr–20 May) A long thoughtful walk by yourself is often a good way to solve a problem. Unfortunately it won't solve the problem of having had your front wheel nicked five miles from home.

Gemini (21 May–20 Jun) Part of you wants to play the Good Samaritan when you come across Jeremy Clarkson's car stuck in a remote rural ford. However, you also have a good sense of humour, as well as a video camera and a YouTube account.

Cancer (21 Jun–21 Jul) You're always prepared to go the extra mile to get what you want. Just as well, as you're looking for cycle parking on Regent St.

Leo (22 Jul –22 Aug) It's time to stand up and be counted. Unfortunately what they're counting is collision stats, and you can't stand up any more.

Virgo (22 Aug–Sep) You're ready to take the rough with the smooth, but that road surface on Manor Place off Walworth Road is just ridiculous.

Libra (20 Sep–21 Oct) Take everything with a pinch of salt this evening. You'll need it, because the council gritters haven't been out yet.

Scorpio (22 Oct–21 Nov) Something you haven't seen for months unexpectedly reappears today: Mars. You really must stop putting chocolate in your pannier and forgetting about it.

Sagittarius (21 Nov–20 Dec) After years of study of Hampton Court's hedge puzzle, maze-solving algorithms, and laboratory rat behaviour, you finally discover the solution to the London Cycle Network.

Capricorn (21 Dec–20 Jan) As if being a witness to that bank robbery wasn't traumatic enough, the actor playing you in the Crimewatch reconstruction is older, fatter and uglier than you are, and the bike rather better.

Aquarius (21 Jan–19 Feb) This is a good time to campaign for better bike facilities at work, such as secure parking, showers and changing rooms. Because you're going to have unlimited time to do it, as you'll discover when your sombre-looking boss calls you for a quiet word this afternoon.

Pisces (19 Feb–20 Mar) Be prepared to meet people halfway today. Tell the driver who just cut you up that he's a cu and a wan.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha, I just spat my tea out reading your prediction for Pisces. Superb stuff Mystic Rob!