Can't read, can't drive, but can swear a little

So here you are, cycling along Kennington Park Road - aka the A3 - northwestish towards the Elephant and Castle.

You want to turn right at the lights just in front of Kennington Underground station, into Braganza Street.


So you take the centre of the lane and signal.


When the lights change, you wait for a gap in the oncoming traffic to turn right.


There's a clear sign at the left saying the bus lane only works in rush hour. This junction is clogged with cars, buses and fluorescent cycle commuters in rush hour. But this is outside rush hour, on a Saturday lunchtime, so straight-ahead traffic is perfectly at liberty to use the bus lane to pass you safely. And there are no buses in sight.

The observant driver would see the sign and do just that. And the unobservant but patient driver would wait calmly while you turned right, just as they would for a car.


Sadly, the observant driver in London must have been away for the weekend with the unobservant but patient driver. At this junction, cyclists waiting to turn right get passed at speed dangerously close, hooted and sworn at.

It's a sad illustration of several things.

First, driving in London is not easy. There are a lot of road signs to read. An average copy of the Sun probably has fewer words than the amount of roadsign literature the driver has to read every minute.

Second, bus lanes change their exclusion of cars from 24-hour to rush-hour only abruptly and inconsistently, you can be fined £120 for driving in one when you shouldn't, and you can understand drivers erring on the side of financial caution and staying out of them when in doubt. Though they rarely seem in doubt as to when to use the horn.

But third, it also shows just how impatient, rude and dangerous some drivers get behind the wheel. No matter that your manoeuvre is quite legitimate; no matter that they can't read simple road signs. You're in their way.

Anyway, if you do manage to turn right unscathed here, we recommend the No 1 Off Licence. The guys in there are friendly and always having good-natured banter about football, and after your experiences you might need a can of something.

Taxi complaint? Try hailing the Met

In the Chinese astrological cycling system, 2009 was the Year of Being Cut Up By Buses, and 2010 is the Year of Being Cut Up By Taxis.

(2008 was White Vans, 2011 will be Motorbike Couriers, and 2012 Deadline-Chasing Olympic Construction Vehicles.)

The email for bus complaints is CUSTOMERSERVICES.BUSES@tfl.gov.uk. After two or three weeks you get a mostly standard reply saying we take this very seriously, the driver has been interviewed dah di dah.

It's easy to mock, but it does work, because two days later when you get cut up in the same way by the same bus route at the same junction at Trafalgar Square at the same time of day, it's a different driver.

Of course, the vast majority of cabbies are hard working, drive sensibly and safely, and I have no problem with them. They deserve respect: it takes a great deal of skill to negotiate your way through London's labyrinthine roadmap while texting your bookie and telling your fare how Nigel Farage should be running the country. It's only the tiny minority that are abusive, swivel-eyed bullies bent on intimidation. Say only five per cent of the 21,000 licensed black-cab drivers in London, in other words only... oh, actually that's over a thousand.

Anyway, one email line of complaint for taxis is Taxi.Complaints@pco.org.uk. However, they're only really concerned with licensing ('The Public Carriage Office has no legislative power to investigate road traffic offences committed by cab drivers'). You get the idea they're more concerned if the licence plate is displayed in the wrong font than if the driver ran you off the road to impress the hen party in the back.

But I see from my colleague Danny at City Cyclists that he's had some success by reporting bad black-cab driving to our friends in the Met at https://secure.met.police.uk/roadsafelondon/. No, really - and this was a genuine being-cut-up road traffic incident, not some outright very-serious offence such as taking a photograph of a pothole. I'll try emailing it next time I have to dodge a missile-taxi sequestering my ASL on a red in Whitehall.